Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Unwanted Houseguests

Last week I was sitting on my sofa and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something scurry past my curtains. The something seemed to have a tail. Being that it was pretty late and pretty dark in my apartment and my curtains were blowing being that my windows were open, I decided it was a figment of my imagination.

Well, it wasn't. Sunday night, day 2 of NYC's sweltering heat wave, I'm sitting in my apartment watching Drive Thru, for joy and laughs were very necessary. Clad in a tank top and shorts, armed with a "Hawaiian Breeze" fan from Target and a cold wet towel, I settled in to watch the surfing show (the AC I inherited from my old roommate died).

This time, out of the corner of my eye, I spot movement on the table next to a chair in my living room. Apparently my little house guest decided to be brave and leap from the table to the chair and after I shrieked, it proceeded to hide in the cushions on my chair. I lept up from the sofa and as I was shaking and my heart was about to pop out of my chest, I started to pull the cushions off the chair. Armed with the wet towel, the plan was to catch the mouse and take him outside. Well, the mouse crawled up into the clothes I had over the chair. So I carefully shook out each item and threw it on my bed. No mouse on the floor. Oh no, that's gotta mean he is still in my clothes and now on my bed. I unpiled my bed and there he was, at the bottom of the pile. In a feat worthy of an Olympic medal, the mouse lept behind my bed.

Oh no, this was not gonna be good at all. I was so shaken up with our exchange I needed a break, the mouse must have needed one too after all that. Plus now I was really sweating - it was something like 97 degrees in NYC. So after a bit I decide ok I'm gonna give it another shot and reminded myself it is totally idiotic to freak out, I mean I must be over 1000 times bigger than the mouse - if anyone should be scared sh*tless, it's the mouse.

I spot him and manage to corner him in the bathroom between the bathtub and the sink. He was so tiny, couldn't have been more than 2 inches long and poor thing looked so scared. However, despite my best efforts, he managed to escape me and dart into my closet - with my shoes - not cool.

I headed for the internet, maybe I would find a way to catch him or scare him away. Well I found this easy way to make a no kill trap and went to work. Baited it with granola, finally went to bed and hoped for the best.

The next morning I awoke in anticipation of finding a mouse in my empty laundry hamper (part of the trap), but to no avail - no mouse and the granola did not appear to have been tampered with either.

Alright so I get dressed and head out into the sweltering sauna outside, walking from store to store (as my car is currently in vehicular surgery with the mechanic for the second time in a week) to find a no kill mouse trap. I go to my local organic supermarket and my local organic food coop, I mean if anyone should have the no kill traps it should be them - well, not so. I go on to Duane Reade, CVS, the dollar store and more. The damn hardware store is closed due to the Jewish Holiday and my blistered feet can't walk the 15 blocks to the other hardware store.

So I finally buy the $1.29 glue trap, after these guys tell me I can use vegetable oil to get the mouse loose. The heat must have fried my brain - how in God's name am I supposed to get a mouse loose from a glue trap with veg oil??? Besides, the mouse would totally freak out - I know I would. I mean imagine, you're walking along one day and all of a sudden you get stuck on something, you can't move and now you have to hope the giant who trapped you isn't gonna bash your brains in or rip your limbs off as they try to free you. No THANK you. Ugh!

I refuse to buy poison, I don't want a dead mouse in the walls, pipes or, God forbid, my Guggenheim shoes. Ewww. As for the traditional killer trap - I just can't bring myself to actually kill the mouse.

The inability to kill an animal all stems from my childhood. When I was about 4(?) I used to sit on the sidewalk and look at the big black ants. I was totally fascinated by them and would pick them up and split them in half to see what they looked like on the inside. One day, it dawns on me that what I'm doing is quite awful - how horrible would it be if I was sitting minding my own business and a giant came along and ripped me in half just to see what I looked like on the inside! I stopped ripping insects apart that very moment. 28 years later I still cover my eyes during kill scenes on nature programs, cry during The Dog Whisperer and refuse to watch Animal Cops.

Suffice it to say, I WON'T be killing any mice.

So during my dog watching stay in Manhattan I will scour the city for a no kill trap, attempt to catch the mouse again on Friday and when I do, I will deposit it safely in Prospect Park.


Anonymous said...

Personally, I find a 9mm Glock or Star Parabellum (look it up, its Spanish) the most effective, if slightly "overkill" (pun intended) for this problem.

However, Home Depot or Lowes carry non-lethal mouse traps.

Melton said...

That's awesome. I would be scared into pulse-pounding ridiculousness. But moreover, your mouse illustration rocks!


Luftyldr said...

I find it amazing that a person so able to control the big "rats" at bldg 261/23 is terrorized by a little mouse. Two suggestions..
1. I have a M-16..with sniper scope...600 rounds a minute (also adds ventilation to walls)
2. Fill a small bowl with vodka, and watch the fun. If it is a male, he will do stupid stuff thinking he is Mighty Mouse. A female will just pass out. Then put in a small box, air cargo to anonymous for his dispo.
Ha u a funny goil...still love u

Anonymous said...

It's so good to have the blog up and running again! I even get my comments posted so it seems the "censorship" has been lifted.

Christina said...

anon 1:18am - a) you know I have no interest in firearms. b)and shoot holes into my apartment??? c) yes thanks, got some - now let's see if they work.

mc - ha ha ha, thanks! maybe I will do a mouse series on zazzle!?

tom - a)2 legged ones a little different. b)your point 1 is very clever in regard to the ventilation issue however the M16 might get me evicted. c) your point 2 - hilarious! d)love ya too...

anon 11:12 - never too late to start!